Sweet Harmony

It's now been five months since Chels and I arrived here at our new home and I still feel the same about coming here. The old saying that "home is where the heart is" is definitely true. My heart has known no greater peace than since we came here. My Ed is the sweetest of men and simply has no equal. We thank God daily for the gift he has given us. For being together is truly the greatest gift we have ever known. We are thankful each and every day for each other and the love we share.

Now we've had our share of trials and heartaches, that is simply a part of life. For example, between us we have lost 4 family members in as many weeks. I cannot speak for Ed on this, but I know that it is a bit harder for me to not be able to be with and comfort or draw from the comfort of those in the family we love. Don't mistake my meaning, for I have no regrets about being here. I think it's simply easier to grieve and get past that point if you do it in a formal way with others in the family. There is, in my mind, a closing that is derived from that process.

Sometimes we just cannot be with those we love when there is a loss or someone is ill. It is in that time that we learn to heal in other ways. In the last few days there have been several of our family members that have found a place to gather and share online and it's been a blessing to touch each other in that way.

Overall I have to say life here has been sweeter than any other I have ever known. There is such a peace being with someone who loves you inside and out, even when they know your shortcomings and yet they still love you. Ed encourages and challenges me to be the best me I can be and I grow in ways I never thought possible. I'vehave also lost over thirty pounds since coming here and can only do more as time goes by. When the pool opens it's going to be fun losing more. Woohoo! The heat is going to be a bit of a challenge I guess, but we will adjust.

Chelsea has shown wonderful progress here and is learning to cook using the stove and oven. She is learning to put those letters together to make them spell words. By creating the desire to find things she wants to watch online, it has produced a hunger and an understanding that she has to put those letters in the correct order to get someplace. At first she could only copy words we had written down for her [or copy words off her DVD's]but she's using the "cheat sheets" less.
Her outlook on things has begun to develop and she seems like a child much less than she used to, by far. The thing that aggravates me the most is that so many thought she didn't have the capacity to form serious thought or make intelligent decisions. I sigh at the frustrations she must have felt, yet borne with such grace. Even I have had to change some of my own thoughts and understandings of who she is. Although I never doubted she could learn, to my shame I fell into the thinking "she can't do this or that." In my mind there was always the thought "yet" attached to those things , but I didn't always express it. I'm learning to say things and do things differently to encourage her more. We are genuinely proud at her accomplishments and how she grows with each passing day. She is truly a rose blooming before our eyes.

It's been a time of adjustments for us all and we have moved twice since we arrived and that's even more to adjust to. It's not always days with no stress and there are not always sunshine and roses but what life is? I believe it's not the thing of having a life with no bumps or stress. In fact I really wonder if that's even a possibility. For wouldn't one have to have a life on drugs, being mentally absent or being completely delusional to believe it was supposed to be totally stress or bump free?

I've learned that we have a life of sweet harmony here. yes, sometimes we do have our trials but it is in those times that the music becomes richer and deeper in feeling and complexity. It's in those times of holding onto each other and helping each other through those times that we discover a sweeter music than we ever suspected. a much sweeter harmony.

New Harmony

So much has happened in this last few months. Since the last post, we have moved twice. Chels and I moved first in with my Uncle Dan while we waited on the right timing to move again westward. Finally on November 10th, Chelsea and I boarded an Amtrak train for California and our new life with Ed.
The journey westward was tiring but exciting. It took us almost 3 days to get here and it was sure a good thing to be finally home. How amazing to see several eagles in flight in the canyons along the way. How appropriate to see the symbol of freedom as we moved on to freedom of our own.
Once we arrived in here, we started walking to the station and I heard someone whistling so I turned to look. There, at the other end of the platform was the love of my life, my sweetheart. What a joy to finally be able to look him in the eye and finally feel the touch of his hand!
It's been a busy couple of weeks now and a lot of walking but I'd not change it for the world. In some ways it seems like we have been a family for years and years. Chels and Ed have the biggest time together. It's a blast watching them have such a great time. The other day at the store, Ed was pushing Chels in her wheelchair and racing around the store. Several people were laughing at their antics.
Each day now is a celebration. Sure we have challenges and there are adjustments that we each have to make, but it is amazing to me the ease in which we all have grown so close.
I'm thrilled to be here with the man I never even dreamed could be mine. If someone had told me several years ago that I could be this happy I'd have thought they were kidding. Love and happiness like this was the stuff of dreams, or so I thought. I'm here today to say it's more than a dream, more than a fantasy. I have been richly blessed and I am now living the life I never even dared to imagine.
Tomorrow we get the keys to our first home together. What a wonderful Thanksgiving indeed this will be.

Why share so much?

I've had someone ask why I share so much of the private things in my life, those things that hurt and are yes, embarrassing.
I share these things, not for any kind of recognition, or pity party or anything other than the hope that someone else can glean hope and gain freedom from the pain that has surrounded them.